Let's See How Long This Lasts!

So, my most specialist Angel in the world tells me she has decided to give blogging another try. I say (and she said) "try" because I see that we have both proved inept at maintaining and keeping an up-to-date blog in the past, LOL. Seeing her jump in the water again, I dig through my blogs and find one created but never really man-handled. Let the blog-groping begin. (*^_^*)

She set her blog up on WordPress - I'm sticking with Blogger for now. The only thing I didn't like about WordPress is that they charge you around $15 per year to upload your own CSS. Being the little geek that I am, I grabbed onto Blogger even tighter - free customization here.

Well, here I am, all ready to blog. I guess I could explain why I chose the title of this blog... without telling my life story. I actively (and maniacally) pursue happiness and bliss. Some would call my "pursuit" stalking... so I humor those of you with such creative (and accurate) verbiage. Let me explain...

I WANT TO BE HAPPY!!!

Now, let me clarify some things. First off, I am happy. I am blessed with two perfect babies that mean the world to me. If I'd never had either one of them, I might be dead - in all seriousness. I was depressed as a child and teen, and then as I became an adult, I battled a few bouts of depression. Most of my adulthood downs were from a failed marriage, but nonetheless I felt depressed at being thrown into a "single mom with 2 kids and barely scraping by" status.

I always felt something was missing in my life. I went on a quest to find out what it was. Through many horrible (and some ridiculous) relationships, outlandish "theories" and reasonings for the hole in my heart, to hours and hours of self-evaluation and spiritual journeys, I've finally come to the conclusion of what was missing.

I DID NOT HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.

Wait... don't run! Now, I wonder how many people would stop reading in the next few sentences, or even after that bold statement. I can imagine how many folks would immediately assume that this is going to be the blog of a "thumper". I hope you'll read on and realize that these things simply aren't true.

I am someone who was raised with absolutely no religion. I've educated myself on many of the major religions of the world - Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Santeria, Christianity, Wicca, and Bahai and so many more. It took me many years to really have a relationship with what I consider to be God and to feel comfortable in my beliefs.

The moment I truly discovered God, I felt at peace. I felt loved and cared for, protected and nurtured, and above all... I felt whole! I try to live a good life and be uplifting, positive, and content. I succeed most days, as I truly am a happy person and thankful for my life.

But... oh, come one - you KNEW a "but" was coming! I also struggle with past decisions that still affect my life today in a negative way. I have financial struggles on a daily basis. I still have days where I feel like a failure at this or that... and I still have days when I feel lonely. I'm still having to learn from my mistakes and try to move forward without retracing those very same steps towards disaster.

Here's where the stalking comes in. Years ago I decided I was fed up with always feeling helpless about my situation and the course of my life. I also realized how I despised people that came into work miserable because of their home life. You know the type, they carry their ball and chain around with them everywhere they go. I've never been the type to do this, but I feared one day that could be me.

You know the old adage, "Fake it 'til you make it"? This became my motto. I began smiling at everyone I passed in the hallways. I greeted everyone with a "hi" or even a "how are you?". I smiled... and I smiled... and then I smiled even more. And guess what? It began to become natural to me. No more mental voices saying, "Okay, here comes Don, just smile and say 'hi' ". I grew into a happy person (who has normal ups and downs) and who learned to adapt to most situations with ease.

I faked it... and I made it! I followed the creature, Happiness, everywhere she went. Sometimes she was ever elusive, but I remained on the prowl. (Imagine Elmer Fudd in his hunting gear on... but a little bit cuter.) I still follow her around, sometimes taking pictures, sometimes staring at her for hours on end, feeling pure bliss. Sometimes I sneak into bed with her at night, snuggle with her while she sleeps and smile as I drift off into Happy-Land. Yes folks, I am still referring to her - Happiness. ;-)

Come with me as I take you along for the adventure...